The pressure of raising a child.

Ari (19 – months) with Mommy

Being a new mom can be tricky, there are so many issues one needs to get through. Firstly, you deal with your own emotions, sure you had 12 months to get used to the idea of a new member coming into the family but it changes when they are here. It’s a whole psychological transition that you have to deal with. 

Secondly, cultural pressure (for other people), coming from an African background there are different beliefs in different cultures which many people apply or practice. To name a few a new mom is required to stay at home in confinement during the first month of the baby’s birth, and having to shave the baby’s hair when they turn one, the list goes on and on. The sad part is when you decide not to apply any of these beliefs, then you are deemed as “not doing right by your child”.

Everyone wants to be an expert I used to make a joke, telling Hubby that other people have honestly labelled themselves experts the way they go on telling you not to give the baby this milk when to start them on solids and all other things baby or children related. Might I just add that all these would be based on their experiences with their children? Because all babies are different just like we are different from each other, so using a technique that works for this baby for another baby would be a fruitless exercise.

The pressure is there and can come from family, friends and your immediate surroundings. I mean there is always someone who feels they know best and perhaps you might not perform to their said standard and thus coming across as a poor performer. It’s trivial if you ask me but people are complicated.

I am sure we all have those people in our lives who will make it their life’s mission to enforce their beliefs on you, never mind the fact that you have your own beliefs and principles. Don’t get me wrong I gave and still give advice, well it’s more of me sharing what I have experienced with my Ari but by no means do I make it seem like my advice is the gospel. It honestly comes from a good place and an effort to try and help in whatever situation the person might be going through.

As a Mom, you will get advice from the moment you get pregnant up until your child is an adult, it’s human nature to share experiences and to share personal opinions but you know what you want. So it’s up to you to take all those pieces of advice and research you might have done for yourself then decide what works for you and your children. The key is to make informed decisions, that are best for your child/children it might not be what works for your neighbour but that is okay because it’s different strokes for different people.

There are so many things to deal with as a mom especially if it’s your first child but remember there is no said perfect way of doing things so we do what works as mothers. There is no formula for raising the perfect child (previous insert). And all babies are different so ultimately you do what baby needs.

It’s all about trial and error, we learn as we go along!

Love Ari’s Mommy!

Published by mponengm

Apart from being a mom I am a fun energetic person. I love spending time with my family and friends. I enjoy reading, watching movies. But my favourite is being Ari's Mommy

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4 Comments

  1. Really interesting perspective on mom shaming. I’m sure there are a lot of moms out there who need to hear this right now.

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  2. I remember every baby I brought home I was told do this, do that, breastfeed this long, that long, it’s so sad that as women we shame eachother doing one of the most incredible roles. Mother hood. Momshaming is real and I’m so glad you have raised awareness about it. Thank you.

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