Ari's Mommy

The nanny, the most unpredictable person you can have as part of your family. If you have a ‘stay out’ which is the term used to refer to a nanny that comes in the morning and leaves in the afternoon. You know that struggle of waiting for her to get to your house at the agreed upon time which is either 6 am or 6:30 am and she just doesn’t show up. You will call her but of course she will not answer, on the other hand you will be running late for work. If like many mothers, you do not have the luxury of staying close to work; you will be calculating in your head what time you might be walking into the entrance of your workplace…of course this all depends on what the time will be when the “Nanny” walks in. When you finally give up, because even if she does walk in you would still be terribly late for work and there is no ‘day care/creche’ that could possibly enroll your baby in just those minutes, plus there is no budget for that…right???

So you do the only thing left to do which is call work and make an excuse for not coming in, change to “home clothes or mommy-mode clothes” – this will be any old items or just loose fitting clothes you feel comfortable in. And then the second job starts, laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning and all of the other exciting chores “we” mommy’s do! Before you know it, hubby is back or your other kids supper homework *school this time* just like that the day is over…what you thought you could get a 1 hour nap, honey that is a luxury we all dream and fantasies about.

Not forgetting the lucky mommy, the one with a ‘stay in’ ow such a beauty this is if the relationship is a good one. Everything will fit in like a puzzle you wake up go to work, come back from work she is there with baby safely tucked in the comfort of your home… bliss! She really does not need to cook or clean well as long as baby is all giggles and is clean then all is well.

My nanny who was recommended by someone who sang her praises so well I was convinced she would stay till AriBear had siblings was and still is a sore point to me… After she arrived and we did all the pleasantries and established a “working” system, I started work. When I came home I asked the common mommy questions, “Did she eat?”, “did she poop?”, “how was the poop?”, “did she drink her bottles and how many?”, “has she bathed?”.

The baby had not bathed, the whole day and it was 7 pm at the time. All I am thinking is we spoke about this. She tells me AriBear ate so naturally I will ask when… “In the morning, she answered so casually”. Good Lord! Its 7 pm AriBear didn’t bath and didn’t eat. I bath my baby, at this point I am using the “lead from the front notion”. As soon as I unwrap the nappy I find a rash so bad it is raw and is bleeding AriBear is screaming   her little lungs out with pain. Lead from the front I keep repeating to myself. What am I feeling?? I am horrified, sad, angry but mostly confused this person is ‘the best’ they sang her praises so loud I couldn’t refuse her. Maybe she was overwhelmed and trying to find her feet with the new job, right? So I go through the system with her again, in good faith.

The following day I come home from work and AriBear looks like she woke up in a cave or some bush far in the jungle, of Lord knows what! My girl has a big thick Afro which obviously needs to be washed brushed and all that, but I could see there was no attempt non whatsoever. It get’s better…

It’s goes without saying that being a working mom is no child’s play. You wake up and go to work and then you come home and start your other ‘work’ and this one has no knock off time. You rest when baby caves and sleeps. These tiny people are exhausting from new born to toddler it makes no difference, frankly I am still not sure which stage is better.

My AriBear (baby’s name) would cry, no she would let out a wail for a good 5 min. And that is longer than my eardrums can handle. So I give her what she is crying for, yes judge me, but what other option do I have? I had a long day I am tired from work and all I want is to sit, do nothing and just stare at the TV but no this child won’t have it. Babies though; she finds what you like and demands it, if you don’t give her what she wants she cries…they are such bullies right! AriBear loves the remote control so mommy gives it to her, with almost no effort but I have a trick. I recently discovered that if I take one battery out of the remote control, then it won’t work when she presses the buttons, she plays with the remote and I watch TV in peace – everyone is Happy… go on call me genius already!.

The other night I was in bed trying to relax she was playing walking all over the place and tiring me out with every step she took. Apart from being a bully my AriBear is also a treasure hunter because she manages to find everything I hide, she pulls it out from wherever I hid it she will just conveniently finds it. So she had with her a tub of Vaseline and was digging like she would find treasures at the bottom of the tub. My cute AriBear smeared it on her tiny hands and started putting it on her face…just like mommy does when she bathes, isn’t she just the smartest! And what does mommy do ??? she pulls out her phone and takes a video.

She will be 13 months once and she will do these naughty things once. Besides I am a first time mommy everything she does is a picture perfect moment. I just can’t have enough of her. Basically mommy’s RELAX, give yourself a break because what you are doing is enough and sometimes or maybe more than you think you deserve, you will want to sit on your own and just reflect. Perfectly normal if you ask me, baby wants a happy mommy!

All in all, I learnt that babies are unpredictable and any day can be action day. I wish I could say we didn’t rush to the hospital again…sadly we did and she was absolutely okay and gong through her milestones which terrified me so much.
I started seeking comfort in people’s stories and read their experiences some were helpful but some were total off the mark. There are apps that you can download that help you track the development of your baby,,,its honestly the most informative thing you can do for yourself. And also it keeps your mind from stressing and worrying too much. They also give tips on what to do and what you might be experiencing with the pregnancy at the time.

You learn very fast that you can never know enough and you can never prepare enough for the journey you will have. Again I emphasize, an important lesson I learnt is that you can never know enough about these little people because every one of them is different and will have different problems.

My girl (4 months at the time) had been going through some fidgeting and crying and she would go on and on hey and I just didn’t know what to do. The oddest thing about these tiny humans is the choosing to cry in the a.m.’s right at that time when the sleep is at its sweetest…A pharmacist advised me about a syrup for gastro pains and said she might be having cramps, I thanked her and left with it. Lord and behold the child settled down after her long wail, when I gave her the syrup.

Support support and more support is what gets you through the tough unbearable times. Just the thought of leaning on someone or people is comforting and gives you a certain inner strength to keep at it and not give up. She is (1year & 3 weeks) now and all I can say, it gets better just a tiny bit. 

So I give birth and all I feel is worried, scared, anxious, excited and just uncertain, I go through the, will I drop her, she is so tiny, can I do this, am I ready and I ask myself if I could handle this whole parenthood thing. I mean I trip on my own feet and forget to put deodorant sometimes, could I possibly be a parent! Could I stand and protect someone, could I advocate for them, be their voices when no one knows what they want to say, will I know what to do and when to do what?… All these thoughts and reality checks show that there’s not much you can do when they (baby) are waiting to feed. How does the saying go? Fake it till you own it…something like that.  
Most of the time I have no clue what I am doing none! You see having a child pushes you to places you never knew existed and most of all you discover yourself while trying to make sense of it all. Overwhelming is the best way to put it. One day at a time, one nappy change at a time, one sleepless night at a time is all I can say. You will get better, you will find your feet with each stage and each milestone and then another one will come and smack you right between the eyes, yep it will have you in tears and begging for a pause button because honey everything just spirals out of control and again I say, you have this helpless person depending on you and crumbling is never an option. Friends will ask how I am and my answer will be that I am as good as anyone with a very limited amount of sleep and a million things to do with no time in the day to do them, can be.
 We once rushed to the emergency room because I thought my baby was suffocating and would die at any moment, sounds dramatic right ?! well it was tough. There I was calling my mom who was more than 600 km from me just so she can see the baby cry and tell me what to do, yep I video called her. Of course she couldn’t hear a thing with the baby crying, me screaming (with my efforts to talk to her) and my husband walking around in circles doing Lord knows what. When I eventually heard that she was advising us to go to casualty I got up put my feet in the first pair of shoes my eyes landed on, screamed at hubby to grab the keys so we could go and off we went. We get there and I am carrying the baby who has on a vest with the nappy clipped on one side, socks on and nothing else. In my efforts to rush I had managed to grab a blanket to cover her.

And me?, well I have on night dress rolled up on the sleeves, no bra on my boobs slowly swelling from the fullness of milk. Doek on my head, teeth not brushed, armpits smelly and sweating from all the panic and rushing…in a nutshell I have not washed and I am sure I smelt sour, honey breast milks stinks and all mommies will tell you that the milk starts leaking when the boobs get too full. The doctor comes, checks her and tells me its normal, its regurgitation and babies do that. He went on to say she is fine I must hug her and that all I should do is make sure her airway is open when she starts vomiting. At this point I get that the child is doing good, but all I am thinking is that I should not stretch too much when taking the baby because the odour was unbearable for me too.  

So here I am married and expecting my first child…exciting times you would think, right? Well no, not actually. You see the thought of having someone depending on you for solemnly everything is terrifying to say the least, not to mention the fact that you will be bound to them for a good couple of years. What I mean is that your time is carved and scheduled around them for a while and you now have to think of baby friendly places. You might also have to forget that friend that always wants to have a night out and the occasional drinking gatherings that go on right into the next day, forget all those. The journey is one you can never trade for anything; I mean having life grow inside you is truly a miracle. Just the thought of carrying someone in you is amaizing, yes it’s adorable, it’s all things rainbow and sunshine.

But the pressure can be too much as well because now you need to be careful of what you eat and how much of that also. You cannot drink alcohol…if you love your alcohol it will be a VERY long dry wait. And daddy’s in solidarity everyone should give it up I mean it is only fair right? I wouldn’t be totally honest with you if I didn’t tell you of the horrible nausea, the bloating, the stretch marks, the swollen feet, the pimples on the face and the tender boobs! The list is long hey, if you are having a summer baby you will be over heating with an extra load you will be carrying around. The tummy will be there! Just in the way of everything and if you are a cluts by nature like me you will bump into everything, literally everything. You will be tired suddenly the body will seem very heavy to carry around, SLEEP SLEEP is all that will make sense.

Ow but it gets sweet and tender at times, when your little person kicks inside you. Those are the moments when you just have to appreciate the human body and just nature in itself. Then if you are a first time mommy who is taking everything in, gulping every experience as though it will end soon, you will go for a photo shoot to capture and keep those moments. Your belly will be your pride and joy especially when it is visible and big. And the journey still continues…

Tiny humans…

Welcome to our Blog!

I am Mponeng and I started this Blog with my AriBear as my inspiration. There is a lot I wanted to share to help parents know they are not alone and this felt like the best platform to share my experiences, challenges and how I manage to survive having a little person.

Parenthood is tough and when you are a first time Mom like me it gets even scarier. I have started this blog to help parents by sharing my experiences and some challenges I have encountered and still am through my journey. I am hoping that you find support and comfort by knowing you are not alone!

Please feel free to comment and share some of your stories with your little one(s) after every post. We also have social media platforms where I share video and picture content of my girl.

Love ArisMomie …

I am new to this, not only blogging but being a mommy as a whole. And I find that it is always reassuring to know that someone out there is going through half the things I are going through.

It’s also very good to have an idea of what lies ahead if you are still expecting. I am hoping I will be a soothing hand to all mommy’s and mommy’s to be even aspiring mommy’s as well. Let my experiences be a guide to you, but remember all babies/kids are different. Having an idea of what you may encounter gives great reference.

Honestly half the time I have no idea what I am doing, but who does really??? Let’s take this journey…