Ari's Mommy

Nine months is a very long wait for you to meet someone and I swear every day seems like a lifetime. The anticipation and curiosity grow stronger the closer you get to your due date.

With every kick, you will find yourself wondering if they took your eyes, his nose, your lips and then you will get to the part where you decide that your baby will be a better person if they had your personality or if they took their fathers.

During the pregnancy wait, you become a Picasso of note painting an image of how your precious gift will turn out. Dare I say you play a puzzle of putting together the pieces of the character, structure and just their mannerism.

Needless to say, the 4D ultrasound scans that we did during our third trimester did not settle my Picasso, puzzle building imagination, no all those videos and pictures did was just add more ideas to my already out of control imagination. Whenever my AriBear would kick after I ate, I would say something like, “nchoo she is the cutest thing isn’t she thanking her Mommy” or when I used to lie on one side for too long and she would kick and I would say, “she is so cheeky telling me what to do, I can tell she will be a bossy one” see that was me creating a personality for her! I am one of those people who loved their baby bump and I took photos almost always.

I have a dimple on my right cheek which I got from my father and for some reason I wanted my baby to have one as well. So much pressure for an unborn baby and too many expectations on my end. The list was long and included some rather questionable expectations. In my defense, It was my first pregnancy and I had no idea what to expect and every experience and milestone in the pregnancy was a beautiful first.

My AriBear is 17 months and has dimples on both cheeks (just like grandpa) and she has Mommy’s complexion, but she remains her daddy’s girl through and through. What we hope for and imagine during pregnancy is far from what we get when they finally arrive. It knocks your breath away and is and will remain the most perfect moment in time.

The image you had created in your head will just disappear and that puzzle you built will fall away when you come face to face with the little person. They suddenly become someone you know but just met. You know that feeling you get when you click with someone and you just feel in sync with them when you cannot imagine a life without them because they fit so well into the life you have.

The feelings you think you will have when you first lay eyes on your baby, do not even come close to what you feel when you have the first contact with them. You suddenly become consumed with a great gush of affection at a level you never knew you could have for someone. It doesn’t happen at a click of a finger, or at least it didn’t for me.

After I gave birth I was numb, anxious, shocked and just in a haze. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Hubby and I could have done something so beautiful and when all those feelings subsided I was hit by a wave of love and a need to protect my new found love.

Keep building that puzzle and being Picasso, it will keep the pregnancy moving and you will have something to look forward to. You can share with Daddy or anyone close to you in your building and painting expedition it’s fun and feeds the curiosity very well.

Ari’s Mommy…

My baby is the cutest when she is sleeping! I mean she is beautiful I just want to kiss her and take as many photos of her as possible. Yes when she is sleeping, peaceful and not running around making me feel dizzy. Ever since she mastered walking she discovered the freedom of mobility and she is riding that to the bank. I guess it gives me a chance to take lovely photos of her because the ones I take (while she is awake) are all blurry and those that are good took about 20 tries to get the best photo.

Continue reading “Daddy’s busy bee.”

It’s very sad when your little one is ill. You get distracted and grumpy not because you want to, it has to do with channelling all those emotions that might be blocked up inside. Bear in mind that you also have to carry the pressure of holding the fort, and making sure everything and everyone is put together. Mommy cannot fall apart unless it’s when she is alone and the cute little face(s) are shielded from seeing their superhero equally being scared. I think the Mama Bear character kicks in quickly! Ready to knock out anyone who dares to hurt the little cub…

If you forget or neglect to buy anything for your tiny human let it not be a thermometer. Having a Thermometer is very important. I am sure we all know how quickly babies ‘ illnesses could go South, so early detection is always safe. The best thing you can do for yourself is to make sure you have it close by at all times.

Our main role as parents to these tiny humans is to advocate for them and be their voices because they obviously cannot say what they are experiencing at any time. We need to listen when they speak to us. And by listen I mean observe your baby’s behaviour, their moods, the energy they have or don’t have, observe them when they move around playing. What I mean is that you should be alert and always paying attention to them.

A while back I had noticed that AriBear kept tugging at her ear, so at first, I dismissed it as “a tell”, for being sleepy. Her tugging persisted for some time and always on the one ear…I took my phone flashlight got Hubby to hold it for me while I took a look into AriBears ear, needless to say, I found nothing because I had no idea what I was looking for…I am not a doctor just a very worried Mama Bear! I went on to convince Hubby that AriBear had an ear infection (of course he gave me a weird look, loaded with are you a doctor now question). Weeks passed and then she had a smelly breath which was scary for a 15-month old baby – here’s an article on Baby’s Smelly Breath. It got worse when she started burning up to 38.4 Degrees – which is bad, anything that is below 37 degrees can still pass as normal but not less than 36 degrees.

So I had to bring down the temperature, how you ask??? Well, this is not carved in stone, but I undressed her till she was left with her vest and then checked if there was a difference after 5 minutes, which there wasn’t so I put her in a lukewarm bath (alternatively you could just dab the child with a lukewarm cloth). Gave her: Calpol you can use Panado, or a Suppository, the temperature should come down if not then take the baby to the doctor.

As a Mom you get that feeling inside you, call it instinct or a gut feeling but you just know when your baby is not well. So despite AriBear responding and her temperature stabilizing I still felt the need to see a doctor. And to our shock, the little miss had swollen tonsillitis and a bad ear infection. These are very uncomfortable for us as adults imagine a small baby, this explained the constant crying.

Listen to your tiny human, let them tell you what they need and just pay attention to them. I almost dismissed my instincts but turned out I was right she was being troubled by her ear. And the smelly breath, definitely tonsillitis.

Ari’s Mommy

I must admit that I enjoyed my AriBear dependant on me for everything, it made me feel wanted and needed. She is 15 months now, goes where she wants, grabs what she wants and simply does what she wants to do. Don’t get me wrong she has some limitations to her independence but all in all she does not need Mommy so often.

She follows me everywhere without fail, the only time she is away from me is when she is doing wrong somewhere and being naughty. Needless to say, my visits to the loo are not my minutes of escaping anymore because I have to share them with my little person. I think her favourite thing to do among many, is standing right in front of me as I attempt to sit on the toilet seat.

I honestly miss the days when AriBear would remain in the same place I left her. All I had to do was feed her burp her change her and all would be good. Okay, not entirely good but I mean she would take a nap or just lie there. Advice for everyone with babies, Enjoy! Enjoy, them while they are young and dependent because it doesn’t last.

This other day I needed to make a bottle for AriBear and realised her other bottle was missing, so I looked for it to no end! I even got her Daddy to help. I searched the whole house with no luck and the sad part was that I remembered seeing it but where??? I couldn’t exactly ask AriBear where she had put her bottle. As I was about to give up, Hubby started looking in the bin (AriBears favourite hobby is throwing anything she gets a hold off in the bin) so that was a good idea, why didn’t I think of that??? He checked the drawers, her baby bag, all the rooms, and nothing. Then he tried the cupboard under the sink the one with the detergents and soap Yep! That one. The bottle was nestled there between the Handy Andy and the Domestos. You could see that she placed the bottle there and closed the cupboard.

I am a fairly clean person and I like my surroundings to be just as clean and organized. Despite my very commitment, my child is of a different idea. My goodness, this child does not at all agree with that notion she wants to mess all the time. When I sweep she stands right in front of the dirt and either kick it or settles down on it and spreads it all over.

I scrub the floor and make the place look decent but it only lasts 15 minutes and then we are back to our messy disorganized setting, so I simply give up and we just sit in the mess. Might I just add on how unpredictable she is, she once walked in on us watching TV with my underwear on her head looking very pleased with herself (she was attempting wearing it like a beanie, I suppose just like Mommy puts on her head) …why does it have to be me is always what I ask myself while feeling defeated.

It’s always a colourful day with my tiny human watching her discover new things and pushing boundaries with me to see how far she can push me. And the tantrums she throws can drive a person insane. She will throw herself to the floor banging her head on whatever is there and just cry. At first, I would give in because who wants to see their baby sad, we all want to see them smile and just happy.

I eventually saw that; the little devil had figured she could get away with anything when it came to Mommy. I decided to let her throw her tantrums, I refuse to be ruled by a 15-month old baby, so now I try to tune her out. It’s not easy, she keeps at it for a good 5 minutes! just cheekiness if you ask me. When she sees you are not bothered she keeps quiet and moves on to the next thing.

This is the most crucial stage of their lives they mimic what they see and are most likely going to portray that behaviour or action at some point. My tiny human grabbed her baby bag and started walking towards the door just like mommy does…This is where we try to be on our best behaviour because we have spectators or should I call her a sponge waiting to soak up all she sees. I think it gets tricky when they start talking…Thank God I am not there yet!

Ari’s Mommy

Preparing for the little human can be very complicated, there are so many things to consider. And just so much to decide on. I am sure it was never this hard for our parents, maybe because they had very limited choices for products and just accessories as a whole. Choices, choices…We make choices for our babies from a very early stage, starting from our pregnancies right up until they are grown. Choosing what to eat what to drink and avoiding all that is deemed dangerous for the little bean.

The baby bag! This is the most important aspect of welcoming baby and very exciting to put together if you are having your first baby. The best thing to do is to get a big enough bag to accommodate all that you need, the worst thing that can happen is realising you forgot some

things and the process of getting them will be rather tricky. Toiletries for the baby, my goodness! have you gone to the baby aisle and checked the variety of products that they have for them. We all want to choose the appropriate products that will work well for our tiny human but all babies are different and they will react differently to whatever product you try them on.

I chose Johnson and Johnson’s baby products, and I must say I was and still am happy with them. Their products are truly amazing and I love that they offer lightly fragranced and fragrance-free products. To make sure you do not miss anything when packing the baby bag just think of the bathing process and all the things you will need, this will include the baby’s clothes and finally Mommy’s toiletries and clothes as well.

Often enough we tend to forget ourselves but Mommy you need to be clean and fresh for the little one, so you should pack toiletries and clean clothes to change. Be sure to pack a nightdress with buttons running down the front this will make nursing easy if you will be breastfeeding. Dischecm has a great baby bag they give out to expecting mother which includes samples for baby products, breast pads, and disposable panties…the bag has all Mommy and Baby will need.

Giving baby a bath…this for me was a challenge! I was very happy when the nurses gave me a tutorial on how to do it, they were helpful and very understanding. Might I just add how fragile a newborn is? One important thing to remember for bath time is to set up prior. I cannot stress this enough, setting up needs to be done before you even start undressing baby. You need to ensure that you minimize the amount of time Baby goes naked, so that means being fast when bathing them. So you need to layout your changing mat with a baby towel on top (baby will pee anytime, the mat is vital), nappy, bum cream, clothes, and toiletries. The whole process goes smoothly when everything is nearby.

If you are breastfeeding your baby, please remember to eat, eat, eat this will help generate milk for the baby. I was advised to drink craft ginger beer and rooibos to help me have milk, ultimately I think you just need to eat and drink fluids. The more baby feeds the more milk you will have. The milk comes on a demand rate so the more baby feeds the more milk you have. How often should you feed your baby? Well feed as per demand, as much as the baby wants to feed the will eventually get into a routine of feeding, sleeping, and pooping.

Accept help from friends and family during this time because you will have zero sleeping hours with feeding and burping the little one and nappy changes you will be a zombie. We often worry if we are doing the right thing or if we are not missing anything and the truth is, if you feed, burp, change the nappy and bath the baby you are doing great!

Please do leave a comment!

Ari’s Mommy

The perfect parent huh?? Is that even realistic? Let me start by asking what the perfect parent is…and what do they do, and where can one find them! That being said is it really practical to thrive to raise the “Perfect Child” …As parents, we all want the best for our children and because of that, we try so hard to do things that are deemed perfect for them. And many parents make it their life’s mission to mould the perfect child according to societal standards. Which is always followed by the, “why can’t you be like Mpho or like Tsepo”, if they do not follow in the societal standards of perfection. Honestly, this is just unnecessary pressure on the kids and the parents for that matter.

As far as perfect parenting goes I am one person who is far from that. Listen I am not trying to win awards here! Or make the Guinness World Record Book… all I want is to raise a decent human being that will be strong enough to stand on their own two feet, have respect and fight for what they believe in. The other things will just be a bonus. I will pave the way and of course, their character and personality will fill in the gaps.

We have books that help us understand our children’s development and issues that they may face and how to assist them through those. Like the baby books many of us buy during pregnancy, don’t get me wrong the books are amazing and I truly enjoyed knowing where I was with my pregnancy. And then you get books on raising toddlers which give guidance on how to deal with their tantrums and just their behaviour in general. These books help give a heads up on what to expect and how to handle those situations. But there is no known recipe for raising the perfect child, dare I say there is no such thing.

Just like every other person is different from the other so are our children and they will have different milestones altogether. My AriBear had her baby gums for the longest time when the first teeth started showing I had stopped wishing for them. Then the crawling happened, before that, I was that mom that kept trying to push the baby to crawl it was really funny because AriBear kept crawling backward. It was so disheartening but then I realised I should tone it down a bit. I relaxed my very exaggerated expectations and just enjoyed my baby.

This other evening, I was preparing supper in the kitchen and she was crawling at my feet, the next thing she got up and walked to the couch which was about 5 feet from where I was standing. At first, I didn’t notice and when it finally registered I was over the moon. What I am saying is that AriBear’s milestones are and were different from the next child who might be her exact age. Imagine living your life comparing your child to the next child? When in the heavens would you get the time to fully enjoy your child! The main thing you should be concerned about is if the child is fully developing on par and further to that relax Mommy it will happen.

AriBear finds the prospect of pulling things out of the containers and scattering them around her as the biggest thrill. Might I add that she is very quick with her actions, all you need to do is blink. I had a box of tissues close by or should I say the box was within her reach and all I did was step away from her, to be precise I was 10 feet away from her with my back to her. She had the tissues shredded around her and when I screamed at her she offered me a tissue with the cutest smile ever and I let her be. Okay, I might have shoved the tissues I could salvage back into the box.

Our children will not be mini-robots that can be programmed to reach and follow standards, no! we will let them live and find their way at their pace while gently pushing them in the right direction. We do what we can as parents to make our children’s lives as smooth as could be, in the most realistic way possible. What I mean is that we can’t avoid them getting hurt or being disappointed from time to time because that is life and they need to feel and experience those feelings but we guide and support them as much as we can.

Please comment or share your thoughts.

Ari’s Mommy

During my pregnancy I would have people asking me how I planned to have the baby, I quickly realized that they were referring to the type of delivery, I would choose. There are different delivery methods to choose from, and yet I would say natural birth, without a single thought. Why? Well, I guess it has to do with the “unsaid misconception” or the “silent stigma” of having a cesarean as opposed to the said perfect natural birth!

I remember when my aunt (who is a nurse and a midwife), came to assist with my pregnancy/pre-birth, I say this because she came five days before my due date. I didn’t know what to expect, with the birthing process, being a mom and just the whole experience of what we were building up to with the nine months. Throughout this, I kept saying I want to push my baby out the natural way because this is deemed the most acceptable and best option right? So my aunt set me down and had the talk with me, her being a health professional was extra credit. She explained that what we want is a healthy baby and that the end goal is to have the baby and mother healthy and safe at all times. She went on to explain that we needed to accept what the doctors saw fit at the time.

When I went into labour my baby had not descended to the appropriate level so I spent hours (well it felt like years) till my doctor advised we look into other options. His exact words were, “how do you feel about a C-Section?” and because I was well informed, I told him all I wanted was a healthy baby and that he should do what he saw fit. At the time I had on an oxygen mask and all I was thinking was why I got pregnant! Turns out the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck which was why she was not descending.

There are honestly many reasons why people do not give natural birth, the baby could be in distress, the mother could be in prolonged labour but ultimately the end goal is to have both mother and baby safe. The misconception of thinking a C-Sections does not amount to natural birth is just misguided. Besides the scars are not as bad as they were during our parent’s times. You don’t have to show the scar but when you look at it smile with pride. That is your battle scar, pregnancy is tough and the “battle” title is a good description for it…for most people that is.

Being a mother is not determined by giving birth either naturally or by a cesarean, it is more than that. The fact that you nurture, support and love is reason enough. Like the stretch marks on the belly during pregnancy, which symbolise growth and new beginnings. The C-Section scar is a warrior scar…a scar to be proud of!

You could have had a water birth, taken an epidural for the pain or might have gone through five hours of labour pains but we all got to one common result of being a mommy!

You are beautiful with your battle scars, with your stretch marks and post-baby fat. Appreciate yourself and just love what you have. As much as we don’t go through the same pains and struggles but in the end, we all have a great love for a tiny human.

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Ari’s Mommy

To all the women sitting there with big bellies marked with stretch marks, the ones with swollen feet, and terrible cravings! Yes, I am talking to you with your extra baby weight and pimples on your face… I want to tell you it’s OKAY. You are lovely, absolutely breathtaking! You get a free pass because you are doing the most precious thing life has to offer and that is to nurture life and give birth to her, so you my darling are the Best!

Most women or let me say most couples go through tough pregnancies. Just the whole prospect of carrying life in you is profound on its own and it would really be ignorant of anyone to expect it to be a walk in the park. Looking back at my experience, I must say I was very lucky. Apart from the horrible morning sickness during the first trimester and the intense cravings for olives, salad, all things green raw and fresh I was okay. I lost weight contrary to popular belief that all pregnant women gain weight. I was basically the same person I was before pregnancy with a huge round belly in front off me. At eight months I was doing laundry and cleaning the house through and through (and by laundry, I mean loading the machine and turning it on). I was active and just full of energy.

Not everyone has this seamless pregnancy, many women find it difficult to fully embrace the changes they go through. This is because it honestly is overwhelming, when you think of all the changes a woman’s body goes through; not to mention the things that one needs to accept and compromise to have a healthy Baby.

AriBear at 1 year and 1 month, picture by @Mishpratt Photography

Remember, enjoy this lovely experience, support those who are going through the process and just embrace all that comes with it. Everything you are going through will make an amazing story one day, when the dust settles in and all is calm, your story is and will remain beautiful!

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Ari’s Mommy <3<3

There is no greater pain than having a sick child. I will repeat, there is no greater pain than having a sick child! Being sick is a strain for us as adults now imagine these tiny humans having to go through that and not being able to express themselves or make the pain less. It is the most difficult thing to go through.

I got home one afternoon or should I say evening and I immediately saw that the bouncy energetic girl was not there instead I was staring at a dull version of my busy bee. She started by hurling out all her stomach contents out through her mouth and nose, (which was not much because she had done very little eating that day) then after what seemed like forever; she stopped but couldn’t breathe. As I was holding her I could hear that she just needed to cough real hard to remove whatever was clogging her chest, but how do you tell a baby to do that, sigh! Naturally I could have suctioned whatever was causing her discomfort but how do I suction her chest? So hospital it was!

I swear the nurses knew me by now, okay well maybe just one or two not all of them. After a long process of blood being drawn, a lumbar puncture, a couple of examinations and then an oxygen mask we were finally admitted. It sounds like a relief right? Well, yes it was; because anything beats sitting in the casualty ward (emergency room) and not knowing what is going on while nurses do routine checks which at the time I thought, was their way of secretly checking if the person is and will stay conscious.

At the hospital the rooms will either have a single bed for the mother and a small cot bed for the baby or if you are not so lucky you will get one of those recliner couches, which are very comfortable might I add. When a baby is sick, all they do is cry; so if your baby is a crier expect them to increase by at least 60 % of that crying when they are sick. The more baby cries the more their body temperatures increases. The most heart wrenching part is when they cling to you for dear life in their efforts to communicate with you to please make the pain stop.

The hospital is really just a gloomy place in general, even the coffee tastes somehow and especially the food. During my stay in the Pediatric Ward, I was comforted by simple gestures that the hospital provided, like the sandwiches parents were served at 8 am, or the coffee with biscuits that was served at 4 am. This sounds reasonable right?, well it isn’t, not when you were up every 2 hours while they nebulize the baby, and then spent 20 minutes calming her down and then when she finally settles down it’s time for another round of medication. It gets worse when you have a child like mine who fights like a little warrior to remove the oxygen tubes helping her breath or clenches her gums shut to avoid drinking her medicine. When she finally does drink the medication and you feel really good about yourself she spits every single drop out and continues crying.

With my AriBear it was so stressful that was so bad they had it written in her file that she spits her medicine and is a fighter, so when the nurses came into the room that is what they commented on just after they greeted, “Hi mommy, I am heard she a fighter and that she spits her medication” what response could you give to that really!

When the doctor clears us to go home I am not sure who to hug first, baby for recovering, the nurses for helping and going the extra mile, the doctor for finding a cure and making my baby well or rather better or the doctor still for delivering the best news ever. When you leave the hospital you are immediately overwhelmed with emotions because now you will not be in the comfort of being surrounded by healthcare professionals, have doctor checking up on you every day or nurses waiting to help where need be. You are alone with baby and maybe Daddy and other siblings, but really you are alone and your tiny human will look at you with their adorable sick faces waiting for answers you need to hear yourself.

It gets better that is what I can say. And when you are in hospital with baby, lean on the nurses and doctors. Take just 5 minutes to gather your thoughts and then come back to baby. Or if the Daddy is there asking them to take over or just assist long enough for you to catch your breath can make a great deal of help. With the constant crying and other babies crying as well and then to add to that a lack of sleep. That is reason enough to send anyone over the edge.

Remember you will get through it; you will persevere just remember to breath! And most importantly be there for your tiny human, a hug, kisses or back rubs will assure them of the love you have for them…

It quickly became clear that my relationship with the Nanny was not properly glued together. We could not sustain the union mainly because we had no form of common ground. In other words, we were not on the same wavelength or better yet not on the same page.

You see it is very important to realize when things are not working or when you are not feeling comfortable with your helper, with either what she does, how she acts and just her demeanour entirely. And then you have to make the difficult decision of letting her go.
Imagine being at work and counting the hours till you get home just to see if all is well, or wishing you could be a fly in the house to observe her while she takes care of the baby and if she does the things she needs to do. Like, sterilize the baby’s bottles, rinsing utensils before use, washing hands before making contact with the baby and just the routine that she follows.

I once asked my then Nanny to give me AriBear’s bottle she brought it to me piping hot and filled up to the brim. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, the directions clearly say, “let the water cool down to room temperature” and they give you directions for the quantity you need for each serving. And yes off course we did speak about this along with every other thing. So again when the union is shaky let it go, honey!

I had to quickly make a plan for AriBear and since I sent the Nanny home it had to be a very fast plan. So we set down with Hubby and discussed the only solution we had, which was finding a crèche. Let me just say I didn’t know the price ranges for enrolling a child at day-care/crèche so if your child is still home, keep them there! The boxes you need to tick are so much, and you also need to make sure your baby’s “second home” will cater to their specific needs and in my case accommodate my baby’s allergies (milk, eggs, peanuts, and wheat) without having panic attacks while at work worrying about her. The crèche is good they are welcoming and really understand the anxieties that parents have, so I am satisfied.

The problem with taking a child that stayed home with a close-knit family to crèche is that they will be sick. It’s the whole being exposed to a lot of people all at once for the first time, it affects her immune system. My AriBear has a runny nose and a cough, it’s sad and scary but normal. We took her to the doctor and we got some medication which is working, a bit. It’s winter and her being exposed all the time is not helping at all. A mommy friend suggested crèche guard, I will try it and see.

With all the mommy duties and everything in between you find yourself cringing whenever you hear a knock. The house is a mess, a very good manageable mess where I can find what I want. But I am not sure I want to share this mess with other people, there are tiny socks and tiny baby clothing items here and there with AriBear throwing anything she can reach on the floor from the bed and couches, so it’s crazy. Soldier on is all you can do, one task at a time and if you can’t do all of them in one day it’s perfectly fine. It’s important not to bury yourself too deep, your sanity is what steers the ship.

So a very well done to all you super mommy’s out there!

You’re doing great!